Pirate Profiles: Octavio Dotel

I’m back from Japan and that means more “Pirate Profiles”. Today we examine the early beginnings of the Pirates’ ace in the hole, Mr. Lights-Out himself, the one and only Octavio Dotel.

He was born Octavious Xavier Dotel III and was raised in a stately neighborhood in Hartford, Connecticut. His mother, a famous hand model, and his father, chief librarian at the Library of Congress, groomed the young Octavious to follow in his father’s footsteps. At the age of 5 ½ , Octavious had already obtained the rank of master calligrapher, read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica and contributed a weekly column to the library science magazine entitled “The Librarian”.

(Octavio Dotel at age 13)

By the age of 15, Dotel was ready to claim his rightful spot in the competitive field of library science. However, while taking his daily trip to the eye glass repair shop, the precocious Octavious chose a walking route that led him far away from the familiar and courtly mansions and into the precarious slum neighborhood nearby. Along the way Dotel spotted a group of youngsters about his age that were waving some sticks around and running around a diamond (hint: he saw a baseball game for the first time). Intrigued, Octavious asked: “I say, you hooligans seem to be having a mirthful experience. May I partake in this activity?” Dumbfounded by what they saw and heard, the “hooligans” allowed Dotel to join them, but only after he suffered a severe nerd beatdown.

"Two nerd photos in a row...real clever there." - My conscience

"Shut it you" - Other part of conscience"

"C'mon guys stop fighting" - Me

You can probably guess the rest of the story by now. Dotel becomes cool and learns to be more street-wise. He drops the name “Octavious” for something much different and cooler: “Octavio”. His dreams of becoming a librarian are cast aside to make room for his new obsession with baseball. In the end, he is forced to reconcile his two dreams and choose only one. He chooses baseball and history is made. However, in an M. Night Shymalanesque twist that I just came up with, none of those things actually happened.

(ARRRUGGHHH???)

So what actually happened? Who knows and who cares – just like every other M. Night Shymalan movie. Roasted. Has that guy been ridiculed enough yet? Though his new movie looks awesome...*End Babbling*