I'm Fixing a Hole...

Well after an exciting start to the season, the Pirates are beginning to look a lot like the team that many experts and fans predicted they would be. Even though the first few games seemed to demonstrate that scoring runs would not be issue this season, the Pirates have fallen into a slump at the plate with 2 shutouts in their last 5 games. Although I am concerned about this inability to score runs, it seems that the Pirates are getting on base and getting hits. If you ask me, the runs will come, just give it time.

Pitching on the other hand, oh boy. Pirate pitchers have been so bad recently that games are essentially over by the 3rd inning because by that time, the other team has already scored 8 runs or so. Since Ohlendorf has been injured, the Pirates have been forced to rely more on Daniel McCutchen and Charlie Morton for quality starts. This has not worked out well. Also, the fifth spot in the rotation has been a mess as of late, with Chris Jakubauskas almost being killed (literally) by a line drive to the head, and Brian Burres and others not getting the job done. Throw in that DMcCutch was used as a reliever in yesterday's game and it seems like the Pirates are going to have even more shakeups in the lineup.

("Now to make his first career start for the Pirates... #99, Pitchy McPitching-Machine!"

Announcer: "I like this kid's mechanics and delivery, but his inability to throw more than 10 pitches may be a factor in this game")

Though, regardless of who is pitching, I think I've noticed a trend in the batters facing the Pirates. They simply do not have instilled within them the fear of facing a major league pitcher. For example, while I was watching the game today, Carlos Lee was nonchalantly standing at the plate simply daring Burres to throw a strike. Albeit, he was waiting for the runner on first to steal, but his stance was so lackadaisical, so careless that it was obvious he was never going to attempt to swing the bat. Sadly, Burres couldn't even hit the strike zone on 4 straight pitches, thus empowering Lee's assumption that he needn't swing the bat at all. Somebody needs to put some fear into these hitters. After all, the pitcher should have the mindset that he is the hunter and the batter is merely the quick, but fragile gazelle. He must learn to outwit his crafty prey.

(In other words, Mantracker should be the Pirates pitching coach)

Establishing dominance on the mound is of critical importance. I guess Lee was right to stand there like a statue when Burres pretended to act like a pitcher. After all, in that occasion it was Lee and not Burres who was the hunter. So how do we get into the heads of opposing pitchers? If there is anything I learned from "Hey Arnold" its that if you want to avoid getting beat up by the school bully, sometimes you gotta act a little crazy.

(That, and the fact that Steely Phil was awesome at Chinese Checkers. Also, Dino Spumoni for life.)

With regard to the Pirates, I'm talking bout' the use of some sweet chin music now and then. Carlos Lee deserved to get popped when he was standing there like a bum. Also, Ryan Braun needs to be knocked down a few pegs. There is a lot of other trash out in the major leagues that needs to be taken out, so why don't we be the garbagemen of national league. Maybe after a few games of nonsensically bashing 10 or so players in the ribs, teams will learn to fear our violent and unpredictable ways. And that is when we strike. Rawwwwwrr!!